Rodriech, no!
by three-days-late
Summary: The title is very misleading, as there is no Austria in this at all. Sorry. Just the one-shots I did for the Hetalia Kink Meme. Next: "You, my friend, have found your very own genie!"
1. It's Norwegerific!

**These are from the Hetalia Kink Meme prompt: **"Because I somehow associated the "Roderich, no!" quote with the just sheer awesome possibility of a crossover between Hetalia and The Fairly Odd Parents."

**Crossovers are my guilty pleasure, and the possibility of crossing one of my oldest fandoms with my newest fandom was just too delicious to pass up. So for the next six days, let the insanity commence.**

**Charcters: **Norway, Denmark, America, Seychelles, England, Cosmo, Wanda.

**Warnings: **This might be too Norwegerific for most readers to handle...

* * *

Norway was sitting in his room with a good book, perfectly content to spend the rest of the day relaxing at home, not a care in the world, when suddenly the phone rang. A quick look at the caller id let him know that it was Denmark.

He tossed his options around in his head. He _could_ ignore it, but what if it's actually important, or (more likely) what if he takes more direct measures to get in contact with him? But Norway really wanted to relax today, something that couldn't be done with Denmark in the picture, even if they were friends.

In the end, he picked up the phone. Big mistake.

"Norway! What the hell? You know how I feel about supermodels!"

"I do, but what does that have to do with anything ever?"

"I thought we were friends, man!"

"We were, right up until you ruptured my eardrum there…"

"Then why haven't you introduced me to Gah! yet?"

"…who?"

"Don't try to get out of this! Gah! is only the greatest thing since sliced bread, and he's Norwegian so you have to introduce me!"

"I do not know of any Gah. That is not a Norwegian name, in fact, I'm pretty sure it's just not a name. You've been lied to, Denmark."

"I think the nation of Norway would know about Norwegian male supermodels. So when can I meet him?"

"Never, because he does not exist."

"You know Norway, I thought we were friends. Friends who introduce each other to Norwegerific supermodels."

"Denmark, I think you've finally snapped."

"If you're going to be like that then friendship over!" with that he hung up the phone.

Norway sighed, but wasn't really bothered by Denmark's threat; after all he could always make it up to him later by paying for drinks. The whole conversation had got him curious about who was spreading false rumors like that, when his phone rang again, this time from America.

He seriously considered letting it just ring, knowing America it was probably something ridiculous, but there was still the whole 'strongest nation in the world' thing to consider, so he picked up the phone.

"Hey, Norway, how's it going? Listen, Canada and I were at Adrenaland the other day at we totally ran into Gah! but he went back to Norwegia before we could get his autograph. Can you get something signed and sent over for us?"

"First of all, who is Canada? Next, where the hell is Adrenaland? Third, it's Norway. Fourth, Gah doesn't exist."

"My brother, America somewhere, _sure_ it is, and of course he does, we saw him."

"I don't know what clever scheme you've fallen into, but-"

"Hey man, I know what I saw, so don't try to tell me any different!"

"I'm just telling you, there is no supermodel named Gah from Norway. I would know."

"I get it," Norway perked up, thinking he had finally seen reason, "you're just keeping him all to yourself!" So close…

"I'm not –"

"That's a dick move Norway. I mean, I'm always sharing my stars with the world."

"I think you're misunder-"

"Canada!" He heard him shout to someone else, "I forget, does Norway have nukes?"

Norway decided that the best course of action at this point was to just hang up the phone. Not that it did much good, as it was ringing again five seconds later.

"Hello, what is it?" he snapped.

"Um, hi," a female voice said, "it's Seychelles. You probably don't know me, but I'm friends with England and France…"

"Ah, no, I remember you," and he did vaguely recall a girl from somewhere off the coast of Africa fighting with the two Europeans at the last meeting, "how can I help you?"

"Well, I was talking with Liechtenstein before, and the conversation somehow got on our favorite supermodels, so of course Gah! was mentioned, and she thought that you might be able to, you know, introduce us, or at least get his autograph, if he's too busy."

Not this again. "I'm sorry to inform you of this, but there is no Gah. At least not from Norway."

"Oh, I see," she sounded disappointed, "America said you might try that…"

"Try what now?"

"Try to keep him to yourself."

"I just got off the phone with him ten seconds ago….how did you talk to him so fast?"

"I thought it was just, you know, because America is a bit aggressive, but if you're really going to be a bitch about it, then we'll just have to come to Norwegia ourselves and meet him."

"What? I'm not being a bitch, he just doesn't exist. And it's Norway."

"Pff, whatever." And she hung up.

After Seychelles, Australia called, then China, Spain, Belarus, Cuba, Estonia, Sealand…France somehow managed to call his private cell while he was on the phone with Cameroon, all of them asking for Gah. It was getting ridiculous.

Somewhere in the middle of trying to get a drunk Prussia to tell him how he had gotten his Scandinavian-Nations-Only cell number and trying to calm down a distraught Korea, Iceland came into the room.

"Is everything okay?" he asked as Norway simultaneously hung up both phones, unplugging the house one from the wall and popping the battery out of the cell.

"I'm pretty sure the world's gone mad, but other than that, yeah, everything's fantastic."

"What's up?"

"Everyone keeps asking for this 'Gah' person, who I've never heard of and I'm pretty sure doesn't exist."

"…"

"Oh not you too."

"I can't help it, he's Norwegerific."

"He doesn't exist! And I'm pretty sure that's not a word."

"I know you're trying to keep him to yourself, but I thought being brothers meant something to you!" He turned and ran from the room, tears in his eyes.

"When I find whoever is responsible for this, I swear to god…"

He was startled by a loud rapping on the window, and looked over to see England standing there nervously.

"That's it! I've had it!" He stormed over to the window, yanked it open, and shouted, "There is no Gah! Just leave me the hell alone!" as well as a few choice curses in Norwegian.

"Calm the bloody hell down! I am perfectly aware that there is no Gah!"

Norway did calm down, as if a switch was flipped. "Oh, then why are you here?"

"I may know the source of your problems," he stepped aside to reveal two fairy godparents.

As a bridge between the magical and human worlds, Norway was well aware of the existence of fairy godparents, not that he particularly liked it. Making beings with unlimited magical power the slaves of children never really sat well with him and these two in particular seemed to only confirm his unease about the whole system. Actually the pink one was alright, but that green one…

"What did you do this time? You can only sink Atlantis so many times you know."

"Tell him…" England demanded, giving them a Britannia Glare©.

They both wobbled their bottom lips and burst into tears, hugging each other as the screeched, "We're sorry Norway! We didn't mean to cause you any trouble!"

"Wait a moment…Gah was…"

"It's our fault, but you can't blame us!"

"Then who can I blame?"

"How about…the internet?" Wanda offered.

"Yes! The internet! And Timmy, it's his fault too!" Cosmo agreed.

"Your godchild is your responsibility; whatever he wishes for, no matter how Norwegerific, is your responsibility as well."

"We're sorry! It won't happen again!"

"It better not. Just fix this and get out of here."

The bumbling fairies nodded and poofed off to do damage control.

Norway muttered some more curses under his breath and England patted him on the shoulder.

"Hey, it could be worse. Remember Super Toilet?"

He did, so he shuddered. Yes, all things considering, it could be much worse.


	2. So, An Alien Walks into the Capitol

**Characters: **Mark, Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, America, England, Tony.

**Warnings: **Illegal aliens.

* * *

Mark Chang was bored. This whole 'Field Trip' thing didn't seem all that interesting to begin with (who'd want to take a trip to a field? He'd never get some of these earth things…), and now that he was in DC, he's opinion hadn't changed at all. Yeah, wars were cool, but they cut out all the blood and explosions in the memorials, making them lame.

The group was looking at some giant statue of a dead guy sitting across a giant pool from a giant phallic symbol or something, when he smelt _it_ of all things. It permeated the air and hit him full force, stunning him for a bit as he coughed violently.

"Phew! What is that smell? It's horrifying!" He shouted, causing several people to stare.

"Dude, what are you talking about?" Timmy asked.

"How can you not smell that horrifying stench? It's everywhere!"

"Uh, you okay Mark?"

"How can I be okay with that smell? It smells like…like…" he looked around, trying to find the source, and his eyes settled on a fairly young (in human terms) blonde haired, blue eyed man eating a cheeseburger and talking to a blonde haired, green eyed man with the bushiest eyebrows Mark had ever seen.

"I don't smell anything," Cosmo, who was in balloon form, said, "and I'm usually pretty good at smelling things."

"Are you sure you're not just making it up?" Wanda, also in balloon form, asked.

"Like…_him_." Without warning, Mark broke away from the group and charged the two men.

"Mark wait!" Timmy started chasing after him, but was pulled back by his balloons.

"Maybe we should just stay here," Cosmo offered.

"I'm sure Mark can handle himself," Wanda agreed.

"We can't just let him attack random people in the Capitol, what if he gets found out?!"

"It might not be so bad, sport…"

"Yeah, I doubt Arthur and his friend will do anything bad to him."

"Well I guess if you, hey wait, how do you know his name's Arthur?" The balloons started sweating profusely.

"Um, well, doesn't he look like an Arthur?" Wanda offered.

"Yeah, it's not like we know he's Arthur Kirkland, aka the nation of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and North Ireland and a link between the magical world and the human world."

"He's what?!"

"Cosmo you idiot!"

"I know nothing!" He spontaneously popped.

"Why's Mark attacking him?!"

"Actually it looks like he's attacking the other guy…and failing."

Sure enough, Mark had proceeded to charge straight at the blue-eyed guy, arms swinging wildly, only to be stopped by a hand to the forehead. The man seemed completely unfazed by the surprise attack, as he continued to eat his cheeseburger, and Arthur face palmed.

Timmy rushed forward, Cosmo and Wanda appearing on his chest as pins, and pulled Mark away from the man.

"Sorry about my friend here," Timmy explained, "he's, uh, from Europe?"

"Ah, that makes sense," the man said, "people from Europe are crazy." This earned him a whack on the head from Arthur. "I meant the continent! Everyone knows you're too anti-social to count as part of Europe." This earned him another smack.

"Yeah, anyway we should get going…C'mon Mark…"

"No!! I know he's here dude!!"

"I wish he would stop shouting…" Timmy muttered under his breath. A flash of wands later and Mark's mouth was shut.

"Is he okay?" The man had finished off the cheeseburger and was now slurping on a soda.

"Your face probably just scared him," Arthur chuckled.

"If anything it was your eyebrows."

"You mean those are real?" Timmy and Mark asked simultaneously. Arthur glared at them and Timmy had enough sense to look sheepish, while Mark just kept staring and added a, "Mind blown…"

"Anyway, your tour group seems to have ditched you," Arthur pointed out.

"What?" Timmy turned to find that the rest of the class had indeed already left.

"It's cool. You're the group from Dimmsdale right? They're heading over to the WWII memorial next."

"Why don't you walk the lads over?" Arthur suggested, "After all, it is your fault they've been separated from their classmates."

"Pft, the kid attacked me, but sure, I'll walk them over." He finished off the soda and tossed it in the nearby garbage. "The name's Alfred Jones by the way. He's Arthur Kirkland."

"Timmy Turner. And my friend's Mark Chang."

"'Sup. Why do you smell so bad dude?" It was Timmy's turn to face palm as Arthur chuckled.

"Hey, the economy's pretty bad right now, so I can't get my regular soap and stuff! Besides, it's a manly smell."

"Naw dude, you smell like..." All of a sudden a small, grey head poked out of some nearby bushes, "TONY!!" Mark screamed and jumped in the bushes after him.

The three of them stared at the bushes a bit before Alfred walked over and yanked them both out, keeping them at an arm's length while they continued to try and punch and kick each other.

"Tony what are you doing here?" he asked.

"Can't trust you with that f!#ing limey. Now I find out you're hanging out with Yugotrash."

"You are you here?!" Mark snapped. "Why don't you leave before you stink up this planet too?"

"Was here first. You get your s!# and leave."

"Make me!" The two started slapping each other while Alfred and Arthur turned to Timmy for an explanation.

"Don't look at me! I'm only ten, how am I supposed to know what's going on?"

Arthur sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Cosmo, Wanda, what did you do?"

"Why do you just assume it was us?" Cosmo asked as he poofed into his real form. Wanda joined him soon after.

"Because it usually is."

"Guys! What are you-" Timmy started before Arthur interrupted.

"Calm down. No one else is around and Alfred's an idiot who doesn't believe in fairies."

"Are you on about that again Artie? Of course fairies don't exist! Those transforming robots of yours are really cool though! Where did you get them?"

"Internet."

"Fantastic, now why do you two want to start an intergalactic war?"

"Intergalactic war?" Alfred perked up, "That sounds-"

"So cool!" Timmy finished. Arthur and Wanda shot them both glares. "I mean, Oh no, how horrible."

"Wait," Alfred pulled Mark up so they were face to face, "does this mean you're an alien?"

"I am the Warrior Prince from Yugopatamia! Tony and his kind have been our sworn enemies ever since _that time_, and I must exact my revenge for-"

"That's awesome! But, I'll need to see a green card…boss's orders."

"You what now?"

"Yeah I can't have illegal aliens in the country…"

"But…Tony…"

"Oh, he has a green card. No worries there. Listen, I can't just let you wage intergalactic war in the US without the proper paperwork."

"But what about my revenge?"

"I'll let it slide for now, but no more fighting on US soil, and this includes my territories and all my embassies." He dropped Mark back on the ground and turned to face Tony. "You shouldn't sneak out of the house like that." Tony mutter something under his breath, but all anyone could pick out was the word 'limey.' "Just wait for me at home, 'kay?" The alien reluctantly nodded, so Alfred dropped him on the ground as well as he slunk away, presumably back to Alfred's house.

Alfred turned to face everyone only to find them staring at him in disbelief. "What?"

"Nothing…" Arthur said, "Just…nothing. You handled that surprisingly well."

He simply shrugged. "Well someone had too. C'mon, let's get you kids back to your group."

Cosmo and Wanda disguised themselves as balloons again, and they found the rest of their class with no incident to speak.

Field trips, Mark decided at the end of the day, were a waste of time.


	3. Whatever Happened to that Atlantis Chick

**Characters: **Mama Egypt, Mama Greece, Germania, Rome, China, Cosmo, Jorgan, Atlantis

**Warnings: **Intense Atlantis bashing. If she's your favorite, you've been warned.

* * *

"Atlantis? You mean Little Miss Look at Me and My Utopia? Yes, I remember her. She had it easy, fertile lands, great access to the ocean, the fact that she wasn't stuck in the middle of a desert. It's quite easy to build your society on happiness and rainbows when you're not spending half your time simply trying to survive.

"She's always had it so easy and she never even knew it; was never grateful for it. Constantly criticizing me on, you know everything. One time I snapped and told her that our circumstances were completely different and that she should just keep her nose out of other people's business, and you know what she said?

'_I'm just like trying to like, help you out, you know, so you can like be as awesome as like, me. You don't have to like, be all like, like that_.'

"Exactly like that. Girl couldn't form a coherent sentence to save her life. Don't know how she became so 'advanced,' but I always assumed it was just bull anyway. That's another thing; whenever she was over she would always criticize my culture. The pyramids especially, but I think she was just jealous. My pyramids will last forever, and where did you say her city was now?

"You say she's gone, well I say good riddance."

* * *

"I remember her…she was…nice. Nice enough anyway. Nice enough when I was over at her place. Real pain when she was at mine though. Never liked any of my art…or my philosophers…or my sports…or my plays…now that I think about it, she never really liked anything of mine, or I guess, she just thought her stuff was better. I don't think it was, but I guess that's just a matter of opinion, as they say. I'm sure someone says it.

"She would constantly complain to me about the others though. Especially Egypt and Rome. I'm pretty sure she hated Egypt, to be honest, but I'm equally sure she was crushing on Rome. Strange isn't it, that she'd act the same towards both of them despite hating one and loving the other? Oh, am I digressing? Sorry about that.

"Um, she hated my stuff, complained about the others…I don't think we had much contact other than that, to tell you the truth. She never wanted to fight, something about being a 'peaceful utopia,' she brought up the peaceful utopia thing a lot, and she never wanted to trade either, said she already had everything she needed and it was the best. Strange isn't it? I mean I have a lot of cool stuff, but I still trade with the others, because they have cool stuff too, like silk. Have you seen some of the stuff that China has? I showed it to Atlantis one time and she had never seen it before, but still she refused to trade with him. Something about not needing it, but I think she was just jealous.

"Oh sorry, the point? Well, I guess it's sad that she's gone, but only because it could happen to any of us you know? I mean, she was recluse to begin with, so the world stage won't really change much. Does that help?"

* * *

"I only met her a few times, always when she was with Rome. I just assumed she was jealous that Rome spent more time with me, but why I'd never know. I would have been glad if he did spend more time with her. Get rid of both of them that way.

"The only interaction I ever had with her was when she would try and get a rise out of me. Once I did respond and try to challenge her, but she backed down and recited some spiel.

'_Fighting is like, so beneath me. I wouldn't like expect someone as like backwards as you to like understand. How Rome can like put up with you I'll like never know._'

"I realized that she was nothing more than an empty vessel. Something that would shout whatever popped into her head and had no intention of backing it up. To be honest, she was a disgrace.

"No, I'm not upset in the slightest that she's gone."

**

* * *

**

"Ah Atlantis, she was really cute. Not that we ever actually did anything. She'd never let me get that close. Pretty sure she was a virgin. Oh is that not the point?

"Well, she would always find me at the strangest of times and show me some of her stuff, which was pretty cool because she had a lot of neat stuff, but she would always scoff at new ideas whenever I'd suggest them. Said she'd always have better ones, which I think is just crazy. I mean, I'm always encountering new peoples with new ideas and sometimes they have some great new ideas.

"Anyway she was always inviting me back to her place and when I couldn't go because I was fighting a war at the time or something then she would usually cry and scream and call me an idiot before storming off. I never took much notice of that because there were always bigger things going on. She never could understand the big picture, now that I think about it.

"I know she and Egypt didn't get along. Germania didn't seem to like her much either. Maybe that's a wrong way of putting it. It's more like he was indifferent to her, which is actually worse than hating her. I mean, if he hated her then they'd at least be equals, but he felt she was beneath him, so he ignored her.

"It's a shame she's gone, like I said, she was cute, but, I guess in a big picture kind of way, it's probably for the best."

* * *

"Who's that, aru? Oh, that bitchy little fish girl? I didn't know her all that well. Only ever talked to her once, if that.

"That interaction was more of her randomly showing up out of nowhere and cursing me out for no reason. I told you, I didn't even know who she was, and would have continued my existence not knowing happily, aru.

"I don't recall what she wanted from me in the first place. I remember I was apparently 'getting in the way of true love,' at one point in her rant. Eventually she did go on about how I 'thought I was better than her, but clearly my crazy Eastern ways were backwards,' and how 'she was the only one who knew what real culture was,' aru. No I'm paraphrasing actually, she said 'like' a lot for some reason, aru.

"I did suggest we become trading partners, now that I knew she existed, while she was visiting, but she just slapped me. It didn't have much power behind it, so I knew she would never be a real threat to me, but still, you don't go around slapping other nations like that, aru.

"Honestly, whether she's here or not, I don't care. My existence will continue on as always, aru."

* * *

"See?" the green fairy said, holding up his notes, "That's everyone who matters. I told you it would be fine if one little nation sunk to the bottom of the sea one measly time."

"You didn't sink it once, YOU SANK IT NINE TIMES!" the larger fairy bellowed.

"Maybe so…but in the end, the number of times doesn't matter either…does it?"

"I suppose not," He sighed, "Alright, a deal's a deal; you can still be a fairy."

"Woohoo! Look out world! Cosmo's back!"

"Look out indeed…"

_Meanwhile, somewhere at the bottom of the ocean…_

"Like no fair guys! Like, why won't someone like, save me! It's like, dark and like, scary and there's like, fish down here! Like so uncool, this is like Egypt's fault! She could like, never understand the like perfection of my like utopia! Or like, that China bastard, he's like always been like vying for my like spot, or like maybe like Germania, he's like always been like jealous…always like trying to keep me from Rome.

"Rome…wait for me Rome, my love! I'll be back for you soon!"


	4. That's What Happened to that Atlantis

**Characters: **North Italy, South Italy, Atlantis, Germany, England.

**Warnings: **More Atlantis. You've been warned.

* * *

Veneciano and Romano were wandering around Venice one day, without a care in the world, talking about where they wanted to eat lunch.

"Oh! That's right, _Fratello_, I forgot to tell you Germany's coming over for dinner tonight."

"Che, why do you keep inviting him over? Your house is going to start smelling like potatoes soon."

Before Veneciano could say his comeback to that (which definitely didn't have anything to do with pasta…) a loud splash came from the canal they were walking by, causing both Italians to scream and duck for cover behind an abandoned fruit stand.

After a few moments of nothing happening, they poked their heads out from behind the fruit stand to see a blond mermaid wearing a bikini top lounging around on the sidewalk, dipping her fins in the canal from whence she came.

"Finally after like thousands of years or something I made it back to the surface! They like, thought they could keep my down, but like, they were so wrong!"

"~Ve, she's pretty cute Romano…"

"I saw her first!"

Their eyes locked, Veneciano's uncharacteristically open for once. Family was family, and as true Italians they knew that family came first, unless you were dealing with the last of the pasta on the table or a cute mermaid that just popped up out of the water, then it was every man for himself.

Romano landed a fierce stomp on his brother's foot and took a starting dash for the mermaid. Veneciano recovered quickly and pinched his brother's ankle, causing him to trip and fall and giving him the lead. Romano fought back by jumping up and tackling him from behind, both of them falling to the ground, where they continued to wrestle for dominance.

While they were fighting, the mermaid had turned around. "Hey, can you two like, help me with something?"

"_Si_!" both Italians sprang up from the ground.

"Anything for someone as lovely as you," Romano said, offering a rose he somehow had on him.

"~Ve, ask us anything!"

"It's been like a very long time since I was in the area, so like I was wondering if Rome was still around here."

"~Ve, you're in Venice. Rome's further south."

"My house is in Rome. I'd be more than happy to take you there."

"Hm? Your house? But like what happened to the empire?"

The Italian brothers blinked, and then laughed. "That's a good one!"

"I don't think we've ever had an empire, right _Fratello_?"

"But there like totally was one! The Roman Empire! What like happened to it?"

"Oh? Are you talking about Grandpa?" Romano asked, "You really haven't been to Italy in a long time…"

"G-grandpa?!"

"_Si_, Grandpa Rome. ~Ve, he…fell, a very long time ago." Veneciano sniffled before burying his facing into his brother's shirt and crying, "Why does everything I touch die?!"

"There there," Romano comforted, "it's not everything. Just Grandpa…and Holy Roman Empire…and that squirrel we found last week. But really, that could have happened to anyone."

"Everything I touch dies!!"

"Um, like, you wouldn't happen to know if he like, mentioned me at all, do you?"

The crying stopped instantly. "~Ve, who are you?"

"Atlantis. The (now undersea) Utopia of Atlantis."

"Italy Romano, the southern half of the Italian Republic," he pushed his brother off to kiss Atlantis's hand, "Pleased to make your acquaintance."

"I'm Italy Veneciano, the northern half of the Italian Republic!" he sprung up from the ground to hug her tightly, "Oh, I know! Since you're new in town, you can come to my house for dinner!"

"But you're having that potato bastard over. I'm sure Atlantis doesn't want to associate with-"

"Well," she said, cutting Romano off, "the only things I had planned on my return trip were to meet Rome again and get my revenge on the Accursed One, but since Rome is gone, I could always just hang out with you, Italy, before that."

"We're _both_ Italy…" Romano muttered, but backed off all the same. As a true Italian man, he knew when he had lost.

"Really? You can me Germany! He's my best friend so I'm sure you'll get along great."

"You're too cute. Since I can't exactly walk anymore…you wouldn't mind carrying me would you?"

"His house is right over there, you can just swim." Yes, Romano knew he had lost, but that didn't mean he couldn't be bitter about it.

"~Ve, hurry up! I'm making my special pasta tonight Atlantis!"

"Just for me Italy? You shouldn't have."

"Well, technically I'm making it for Germany, but you can have some too!"

Veneciano was to ecstatic to notice the slightly darker look on her face as he prattled on about what good friends he and Germany were, but Romano caught it, having to deal with very similar and equally frightening looks from members of the Mafia when he was dealing with them (aka they were beating the crap out of him for one reason or another). It was jealousy, and whenever that look graced a lady's face, well, Romano always took the initiative to get the heck out.

And as much as he hated the potato bastard and would like to see what Atlantis would do to him, he'd also seen what Belarus does to Russia, and no way was he letting anyone do that to his baby brother.

* * *

It was about halfway through the second course when Romano heard the knock on the door. Veneciano was too busy being Veneciano, causing Germany to be Germany and fuss over him, causing Atlantis to be Atlantis and secretly plot ways to get Germany out of the picture, so Romano excused himself (not that anyone noticed) and answered the door. He came back a few moments later, England in tow.

"Hey everyone look! England just happened to be in the area and just happened to want to stop by," he announced, "isn't that weird?"

Veneciano and Germany looked shocked, but greeted him in their own ways, whether by nodding slightly or giving the man a hug, a peck on the cheek, and offering him a place on the table. Atlantis just looked confused.

"So, you must be Atlantis," England said as he sat down next to Romano on the other side of the table, "I heard from…someone who isn't in this room right now, that you might be here…"

"That's like the Utopia of Atlantis to you. And like who are you?"

"The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, but you can just call me England."

"What are you doing here England?" Germany asked, getting to the point.

"Can't a nation just randomly decide to holiday in Italy and randomly stop by an acquaintance's house when he just so happens to have a mythical nation that sunk to the bottom of the sea millenniums ago over for dinner? Is that so odd?"

"Seriously why are you here?"

"Romano called me."

"Bastard! You said you wouldn't sell me out!"

"No one was buying it anyway!"

"Y-yeah, it was like, totally obvious from the get go…"

"~Ve, so England didn't stop by because he wants my cooking?"

"I'm just here to help with Atlantis, but not because Romano asked! I'm doing this for my own reasons!"

"Like, help me with what?"

"As a member of the EU, I can't just let you obliterate Germany off the face of the earth. He has most of the money."

"You're just like, trying to stand in the way of true love!"

"No, I'm trying to maintain peace. I've already talked it over with the Fairy Council, and apparently they decided a very long time ago that the world would be a better place if you were underwater."

"I'd like to see you try to put me back! I've been waiting millennia to take my revenge and see my one true love! Like I'd let your eyebrows stop me!" She snatched Veneciano and held him close. "Just try and stop us!"

"Germany! Germany help! I'm being held hostage by a cute girl again!"

"Germany this, Germany that…why can't you just accept my love!"

"Let my brother go you-" England held up a hand to stop him.

"I know how you feel…over two hundred years ago the most important person in the world to me left me behind for his own stupid ideals and went on to bigger and better things. It…still hurts, when I think about it, but sometimes letting go of the ones we love is the only way to set us free."

"You and America made up ages ago," Romano interjected. England hit him.

"I was trying to connect with her so she would let your brother go!"

"Well it was a stupid plan!"

"I don't see you coming up with anything!"

"Um guys…"

"What now Germany?!"

"While you were fighting I knocked Atlantis out, tied her up, and got Ita-Veneciano to safety," he said, gesturing to her unconscious form on the couch and the Italian eating at the table, "so you can do what you want with her now England."

"D-don't make me sound like a pervert!" He grabbed Atlantis and left after a quick good-bye to Veneciano. Romano and Germany took their seats at the table and continued on with dinner as if nothing happened.

"Why can't I ever have a normal dinner at your house?" Germany asked.

"~Ve, but isn't it more fun this way?"

"No. Not really."

"Well no one asked you to come!" Romano snapped.

"Italy did."

"Damnit, we're both Italy!"

They fought well into the night, forcing Germany to spend the night, which was just fine by Veneciano.

All in all, he considered it a good day.

* * *

**Translations:**

Fratello - brother

Si - yes


	5. A New Twist on an Old Classic

**Characters: **America, George Washington, Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda

**Warnings: **So many historical inaccuracies even Hollywood would be ashamed.

* * *

_"Live! From Timmy's tree house…it's, the Timmy Turner Show! Join Timmy and his special guests as he tries to complete the big history report he blew off. And now, heeeere's Timmy!"_

"Thank you, thank you. Hey, we have a great show for you tonight. Here to help me with my report are three of the founder fathers themselves…"

_Meanwhile, in 1776…_

"Hey, Washington," America said as he approached the man who was currently chopping up a wooden table in the far corner of Independence Hall, "I know you're all about to sign the Declaration in a bit, but I was wondering if I could talk to you…"

"Hm? Of course Alfred. I'll always have time for you." And with that he vanished.

America gave himself five seconds to let it sink in before panicking and running off to find Franklin.

"Beeeeeeeen!!!" He shouted as he screeched to a halt in front of him. "Washington mysteriously disappeared mysteriously!"

"That's odd. I was just-" and then he vanished too.

"J-Jefferson!!"

"What are you shouting about now, Alfred?"

"Washington and Franklin just-" but before he could finish that thought, Jefferson was gone as well.

"Why me, why today?!?! This is England's fault…somehow."

_Meanwhile, in the present…_

"You guys can't just run away like that," Timmy said as he got his guests seated once more, "If you get lost that could really mess things up, but more importantly I'll never get my report done!"

"Sorry…" the three founders said in unison as they took their respective seats and Franklin got struck by lightning.

"Timmy!" Cosmo shouted as he flew in from the window, "Air Force Zero is coming in fast!"

"Air Force Zero?! Wait, I thought that was for the president!"

"That's Air Force One, sweetie." Wanda corrected.

"Then who's in Air Force Zero?"

That question was answered five seconds later when a muscular blond man came crashing through the window.

"HAHAHAHA!" He laughed loudly as he stood up, seemingly unharmed with his trip through the quadruple-pain glass. "Not to worry, the HERO has arrived!"

"Who…?" Timmy started to ask, but was interrupted by a cry of "Alfred!" from the men on the couch.

"You can't just crash through windows like that!" Franklin exclaimed.

"You need to use your head boy," Jefferson fussed as he brushed stray glass from the man's hair.

"What if you had gotten hurt?" Washington added.

"But guuuys, I'm fiiine…" the man whined.

"Would someone explain to me what the heck's going on?!" Timmy shouted.

The founders blanched, blushed, and stood around awkwardly for a bit before Washington caught sight of a wooden post off to the side and ran over to chop it.

"You might want to stop him…" the man said.

"I'll go get him." Wanda poofed off after him.

"Who are you? How do you know them? Why are you here? Answer my questions, or I'll…do something…"

"Alfred F. Jones, I'm with the government. Long story. I sensed a…disturbance and came to investigate, and may I ask, what the heck are you doing with my founding fathers in a tree house talk show studio thing?"

"Uh…well, wait a minute, _your _founders?"

"Well you see lad," Franklin explained, "Alfred is sort of the personification of America."

"What? Is that possible?"

"I'm standing here, aren't I? Now why are they here, and not _signing my Declaration of Independence_?!"

"Relax Al," Jefferson said, scribbling something on his parchment, "Timmy here is trying to do a history report and asked us to help. We'll go right back when we're done."

"…is that safe?"

"Yeah sure why not?" Timmy offered.

"Well, okay, I'll allow it, but I need to stay right here to make sure you put them back when you're done."

"When did you become all grown-up?" Washington commented when Wanda dragged him back. Alfred shrugged.

"It must be the new bifocals," Franklin added, "they are quite nice…where did you get them lad?"

"Oh, I got them from Mexico in 1845. It was pretty sweet."

"Okay, this whole catching up thing is great and all, but I've still got a report to do, so focus back here, 'kay?" Timmy said as he sat behind his desk. Alfred found a seat in the audience and the Founders sat back on the couch.

Everything was going great…until it stopped being so great.

"Timmy, we need to take a break," Wanda nagged. "We need to get these guys back to their time period; they've been here too long all ready!"

"Relax Wanda. Besides, I think if history had changed, we'd have noticed now, right?"

As if on cue, everything started changing, and everyone left the safety of the tree house to investigate. Electricity vanished and everything became more, well…

"You bloody wanker!" A now specs-less Alfred charged, grabbed Timmy by the shirt and started shaking him, "I ought to sock you one for this, git!"

"I say, don't get your knickers in a twist now, old bean!" Timmy said, grappling against Alfred's strength. He let him drop to the ground.

"Oh, piss off!" Everything became more British.

"What's going on?" Jefferson asked as he and the rest of the founders wandered over.

"Because you guys have been gone to long, America is still a British Colony, and deprived of electricity." Timmy explained.

"Don't forget about taxation without representation!" Washington added.

"Huh?"

"'Ello 'ello! Tax man here!" A random guy said, snatching Cosmo and Wanda's wands right out of their hands. "Wand tax." He explained, tipping his hat and leaving as suddenly as he'd shown up.

"I bloody hate taxation without representation…" Alfred lamented. "And core blimey I miss Texas. I can't see a thing!"

"Whine whine whine," Timmy taunted, "why don't you do something about it!"

"You git!" He lunged forward and started strangling the boy. "This is your bleeding fault!"

Jefferson and Washington managed to pull the nation off before he did lasting damage.

"You better have a way to fix this…"

"Ooh! I know!" Cosmo flew back up to the tree house and came back down, riding on a scooter. "We can take everyone back on the Time Scooter!"

"That's a great idea Cosmo…that was weird."

"Almost as weird as me speaking British." As everyone else scrambled on the scooter, Alfred jotted something down on a piece of paper and handed it to Timmy. "Give this to Colonial me, and no bloody peaking! I think you've messed up enough already, savvy?"

He nodded and stuffed it in his pocket before starting the scooter and blasting off into the past.

_Meanwhile, in 1776…_

"AAAAARGH!!!"

"Calm down Alfred! Just because three of the most important people in this revolution mysteriously vanished at the same time to god knows where doesn't mean you'll be stuck as a Colony for life!"

"Yeah, England could decide he'd rather just kill you for defying him…"

"Now that I think about it, we'll all be hung for treason as well…"

"Not helping guys!" Alfred snapped. He spotted Benedict Arnold off in a corner all by himself, plotting and decided to ask him if he'd had any progress.

"Hey Benny! Any luck on finding the others?"

"Gah! Um, no, not yet…I'm not plotting betrayal or anything…and it's Benedict. Benedict Arnold."

"Whatever Benny…" he sighed and turned around to walk away, but remembered something else he wanted to ask, and turned back to find George Washington in his place instead.

"Georgie! There you are!" Alfred grabbed the man into a tight bear hug. "You had me worried! Where are Jefferson and Franklin?"

"Can't…breathe…" the nation let him go. "There, um, around…somewhere. Check over there while I go talk to Hancock…"

"Wait a second, something seems off…are you sure you're Washington?"

"Of course I am! Can't you tell by my white hair, wooden teeth, and love of all things free?"

"Well, good enough for me!" He followed him over to where Hancock was busy signing stuff.

"Hey Hancock, you mind signing this Declaration of Surrenderpendence for me, your friend, George Washington?"

"Sure-wait, isn't that bad?"

"What?! You're giving up!?"

"Yes Alfred. I'm sorry, but I just don't think you have what it takes to beat England. It's best if we give up now."

Tears started to form in the young nation's eyes as Washington coerced Hancock into signing his document, when all of a sudden a blinding flash of light appeared in the middle of the room, revealing the missing founders and some kid on some wheeled contraption of some kind.

Washington jumped up and shot his teeth out, hitting Hancock's hand and preventing the demise of America before he even had a chance to begin.

"Don't listen to him! I cannot tell a lie I am the real George Washington! Can't you tell by the white hair and the wooden teeth and the love of all things free?"

"Oh no you didn't…" the two Washingtons prepared for what would probably have been an epic fistfight if Alfred hadn't interrupted by hugging the new Washington.

"I knew it! I knew he was a fake! Don't you ever leave me again ever! None of you!" He shot a look at the other two over Washington's shoulder.

"Can't…breathe…"

"Sorry!"

Jefferson had, meanwhile, unmasked the villain to be none other than Benedict Arnold.

"And I would have gotten away with it to, if it weren't for that-"

"Yeah yeah, we've heard it all before," Timmy waved him off. "Well, all you have to do now is sign the Declaration of Independence and we'll be on our way."

"We can't!" Hancock said, "Washington's wooden teeth and love of all things free broke my hand! Now we're one signature short!"

"Dude there's like, twenty other people in the room. Can't they sign it?"

"Oh yeah…" he wandered off to find another signature.

"Oh! I almost forgot, Alfred," the nation turned and Timmy handed him the piece of paper. "What is it? Finical tips for when you get the stock market started? Secret British military plans for an easy victory? The suspense is killing me!"

Alfred read the note and whacked Timmy upside the head.

"Ouch! That hurt! What was that for?!"

"Sorry, but the note said it was all your fault and that I should whack you upside the head," he handed Timmy the note so he could read if for himself. "I don't know who this Usa is, but the handwriting's similar to mine, so I trust him. Or her. Or it."

"Figures…" Timmy started up the Time Scooter and he and his fairies went back home.

_Meanwhile, in class the next day…_

"You know Turner, most teachers would find this style of delivering a report creative and deserving of reward," Mr. Crocker said, scribbling Timmy's grade down. "I however am not one of them. You fail!"

Timmy sighed dejectedly at his grade when the sound of a plane swooping low was heard throughout the classroom.

"It's Air Force Zero!" one of the children exclaimed when they ran over to the window.

"Oh no…"

Sure enough, five seconds later Alfred Jones came crashing through the window.

"HAHAHA!" He laughed after standing up and brushing the glass off.

"You! Who are you? And you better be paying for those windows!" Croker shouted.

"Sorry sorry, put it on my tab. I'm Alfred F. Jones and I'm with the Department of Education. I have it under good authority that you just failed one Timmy Turner, correct?"

"Yes, but I don't see how that's-"

"Well, the higher-ups want me to come and make that an A. Since there government bigwigs, you understand, right?"

"You can't just-"

"Sure I can!" He grabbed the F and pulled out a giant stamp that changed it to an A. "See? Just did." Alfred handed the paper back to Timmy. "Let's just say we're even now, git."

"Fine by me."


	6. They've Had it too Good for too Long

**Characters: **Canada, Norm, America, Prussia. Mentions of Cuba

**Warnings: **Oh Norm...

* * *

Canada was sorting through some of the old boxes in his basement when a peculiar lava lamp fell out of one of them. Not quite remembering where he acquired it, he picked it up to examine it and noticed that it was quite dusty. Naturally, he wiped the dust off, never expecting that a genie would pop out.

"Hey hey, it's your lucky day!" the genie exclaimed. "You, my friend, have found your very own genie! The name's Norm and you get three wishes."

"Uh…"

"It's fine, take your time. I'm not in a rush to get back in there, you know…"

"…"

"You have no idea what to wish for do you?"

"Sorry, is it alright if I think about it for a few days?"

"Sure, take all the time you need. If you need me, I'll be raiding your fridge." With a snap of his fingers he was gone.

* * *

A week passed and Canada still couldn't think of a wish. Norm had been living in his house the whole time, basically being the worst housemate ever in an attempt to get him to make a wish.

"Who?" Kumajiro asked as Canada feed him.

"Canada."

"Doesn't that ever get you down?" Norm asked, pigging out on pancakes. "I know, since you have a magic genie at your disposal and still haven't used any of your wishes yet, you can wish that your bear thing remembered you!"

"But then he might remember me for all the wrong reasons," the nation replied, "Besides, I know he's just kidding. It's just our little inside joke I suppose."

"Sheesh, does anything get you down? While you're thinking of a wish, make me more pancakes." Just then there was a knock on the door. "Get that after you make me pancakes."

"Hold on, it could be important." Canada left the kitchen and opened the door, revealing his brother.

"Hey, guess what?" America said, letting himself in, "I've found a way to stop global warming!"

"…really?"

"Why so skeptical? This time it'll work for sure! Are you making pancakes?" He wandered into the kitchen and stopped when he saw Norm at the table. "Who's the floaty guy?"

"His name's Norm. He's a genie I found in the basement."

"Cool! So what did you wish for and can I have it?"

"He hasn't wished for anything yet, or else I would have blown this Popsicle stand ages ago! Did you know nothing ever happens in Canada? All it does is snow!"

"Hahaha! That is so true. Except that one time in Vancouver when it didn't snow. Anyway, about those pancakes…"

"They're almost done. Why don't you take a seat at the table?"

"And maybe you can help Mr. My-Life-Is-Perfect think of some decent wishes, hm?"

"Well, if it were me, I'd wish for the Middle East to sort itself out."

"I've thought about it," Canada explained, giving them both pancakes, "but then conflict would just pop up somewhere else. You know it always does."

"Hmmmm…how about several trillion dollars so I can fix the economy?"

"That sounds good. I do love money wishes!"

"The money has to come from somewhere, so you either have to steal that large sum from the people or print it off, and if you print that much at once, inflation will happen."

"How about world peace? You can't go wrong with world peace."

"Then we'll probably get attacked by aliens or something."

"…That sounds awesome!"

"You're brother is kinda…" Norm made a vague hand gesture, "I know! You can wish him better! Make him smarter, faster, stronger, and more concerned with his actions!"

"What?! You wanna change me?" America looked at Canada like he was about to cry.

"No no! You're family and I love you the way you-"

"Of course he does! You're annoying." Norm butted in. "Seriously, I can change him no problem. Just say the word."

America hid his eyes under his bangs and went silent, which Canada knew was definitely not a good thing.

"Sorry for wasting your time." Without another word, he left.

"Why would you say that?! I don't hate him!"

"What? I'm just saying…"

"Now he probably won't talk to me for a while…he can get so paranoid and defensive."

* * *

A few more weeks passed in which Canada continued with his life as normal while Norm at all his food and bugged him to make a wish.

"Why don't you wish for a vacation? Or at least go somewhere! I'm tired of being cooped up in this house all day."

"Well, I haven't been to Cuba in a while…"

"Perfect, wish for a Cuban vacation! And take me with you!"

"Why would I wish for it when Cuba already invited me? He's been bugging me to come down for a while…you can come too if you want…"

"…sometimes I hate you…"

* * *

Norm and Canada had a fantastic time in Cuba as soon as he figured out that it wasn't America trying to invade his shores with some floaty guy. Ice cream and good times were had by all when that misunderstanding was cleared up, until Norm got them kicked out of the country…

"I didn't know she was actually a guy. Anyway, about those wish…"

"I can't think of anything yet."

"What about socks? Who doesn't love socks? Can't have enough socks."

"I have plenty of socks…"

"You could always use more!"

"I don't need more…"

"That you know of."

"…What did you do to my socks Norm?"

"You need to wish for something, I'm just trying to speed things up a bit."

"Norm…"

"Oh Canada!" A voice shouted from the hallway, "I haven't seen you in weeks and I'm out of maple syrup, which is not awesome!" Prussia found his way into the living room where Canada and Norm were talking. "What's with the floaty guy?"

"This is Norm, the genie."

"So what did you wish for and can I have it?"

"Nothing! It's been almost a month and he hasn't made one wish yet!" Norm sighed, "Most clients are done by the end of the day, but you…"

"I don't really need anything I can't get myself…sorry."

"S'not your fault kid," Prussia slung an arm around his shoulder, "You're friends with me after all, what else could you possibly want out of life? How about you wish us up some beer?"

"I have some in the fridge; I don't need to wish for it…"

"Well then how about-"

"I can't make you your own country again. We'd have to get the land from somewhere."

"I don't see the problem there…"

"Me neither. So one country of Prussia coming up?"

"That land would most likely come from Germany…"

"…never mind. I don't want it."

"What!? C'mon guys I need some wishes here!"

"I'm sorry Norm…I just can't think of anything."

"Then why don't you just let him go?" Prussia asked.

"Hm?"

"What?"

"If you don't need him, then get rid of him! He's cramping your style anyway."

"Whoa there Mr. I-Just-Showed-Up, it doesn't work like that!" Norm explained, "I can't go away until I get there wishes out of him."

"Then just wish him away."

Canada and Norm stared at him. "Pardon?"

"Yeah, if you don't need him then just wish that he'd go away, unless you like having him around?"

"Not really, he kind of just yells at me and eats my food…"

"Hey! No need to go that far, the genie union doesn't look too kindly on being wished away…wouldn't you rather have a pony or something instead? "

"I don't think a pony would do very well in Canada…"

"Then wish for a snow pony! Something, anything!"

"He is getting annoying, even with someone as awesome as me being here," Prussia sighed, "Just wish him away and out of your hair. Let him be someone else's problem."

"What? No! You can't do this to me! There has to be something you want, anything at all! No strings attached, I swear!"

"Bull. There's always a catch. Toss 'im out, Canada."

"I don't remember when you started making all of Canada's decisions for him."

"What?"

"I mean, he is a grown nation, I think he can decide this on his own…"

"I'm not deciding anything! I'm just giving him some of my awesome advice!"

Their shouting grew louder and louder until Canada couldn't take it anymore.

"I wish you both would just shut up!"

Prussia and Norm both stopped and stared at the blond, who was panting and quite angry.

"That counts, even if I didn't use magic."

"I said shut up! Count it if you want, I don't care! My life was fine until you showed up in it! I don't need any wishes!"

"Don't be ridiculous. No one's life is perfect."

"Yeah, most of the time people forget about me or confuse me for my brother. My life isn't perfect, but it's mine, and I like it just the way it is, or more accurately the way it was before you showed up. Now I've been banned from Cuba and my brother won't talk to me!"

"Well, you can't change the past you know…you could wish it all better. You still have two left!"

Prussia smirked and took a seat, choosing to simply watch the show rather than get involved.

"Yes…I think I will just wish it better." Canada looked Norm in the eye and smiled in a way that would creep even Russia out. "I wish I never found you."

Norm blinked, "Ah smoof, the Union isn't going to like this…" and snapped his fingers.

* * *

Canada was sorting through some of the old boxes in his basement when a peculiar lava lamp fell out of one of them. Not quite remembering where he acquired it, he picked it up to examine it and noticed that it was quite dusty. Instead of wiping it off, he simply threw it out with the rest of the trash and went about his completely normal day.


End file.
